| blah |
[23 Mar 2005|07:25pm] |
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mood |
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 creative |
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music |
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Jewel- foolish games |
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Just for the record . . . the Chris phase is over. I have moved on. I do have a life now (except not). I really have nothing to report. If you happen to want to know my alter ego . . . visit my XANGA log:
my user name is : Ashes_of_Havok
I prefer this part of me. She tends to be darker and gets over her turmoil through writing poetry and music. She is a lot more artsy. Maybe now I shall dedicate more of my tie to her. She's as close to the real ashley as anybody will get.
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| PARTY |
[15 Dec 2004|04:43pm] |
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SO . . . NOW IM 17 YEARS OLD AND IM ONE YEAR FROM BEING LEGAL. PARTY! ACTUALLY NOT. I'M JUST EXTREMELY TIRED AND I HAVE ANOTHER DAY OF FINALS COMING UP TOMORROW. FUN SHIZZLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| lyrics and their meanings |
[28 Nov 2004|01:03pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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music |
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jet- look what you've done |
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okay, so i found another really awesome song. it's called "Look What You've Done" and it's by JET. It's another one of those dedication songs. But this one goes out to all of those people that are just confused about friendships and all other types of relationships. It's sort of a warning song to people who think they can get away with using other people, because one of these days they will end up being the person getting used and it will not be fun. By then it will too late to try to get back the friendships that you have lost, and the joke will be on you. With that note . . . here are the lyrics!
look what you've done
by JET:
verse 1:
take my picture off the wall
if it doesn't sing for you
'cause all that's left has gone away
and there's nothing there for you to prove
chorus:
oh, look what you've done
you've made a fool of everyone
oh well, it seems like such fun
until you lose what you had won
verse 2:
give me back my point of view
'cause i just can't think for you
i can hardly hear you say
what should i do, well you choose
repeat chorus
oh, look what you've done
you've made a fool of everyone
a fool of everyone
a fool of everyone
repeat verse 1
repeat chorus
oh, look what you've done
you've made a fool of everyone
a fool of everyone
a fool of everyone
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| crap |
[26 Nov 2004|09:28am] |
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music |
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KEANE- SOMEWHERE ONLY WE KNOW |
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CgMIYYgEgJAZZgKLEZgMODIZgHI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| YAYNESS! |
[21 Nov 2004|04:18pm] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
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music |
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U2- WITH OR WITH OUT YOU |
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BE HAPPY FPR ME. I GOT ACCEPTED INTO THE INTRODUCTION TO ENGINEERING PROGRAM AT THE UNIVERSITY OF NOTRE DAME FOR THIS UPCOMING SUMMER.
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| SATAN SMILES UPON US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
[03 Nov 2004|03:45pm] |
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IF OUR GOAL AS AMERICANS WAS TO FURTHER CORRUPT OUR NATION . . . WELL WE HAVE SURELY SUCCEEDED. THIS PAST ELECTION IS SOMETHING THAT I WILL NOT LET GO OF ANY TIME IN THE NEAR FUTURE, NOR WILL I EVER FORGET IT. YOU CAN BET THAT I WILL BE FOLLOWING EVERY MOVE OF THE PRESIDENT FOR THE NEXT FOUR YEARS. I JUST HOPE THAT WE NEVER HAVE TO GO THROUGH ANOTHER ELECTION PROCESS LIKE THIS, EVER AGAIN! TWO ELECTIONS IN A ROW? THE SAME PRESIDENT? THE SAME CLOSE RACE? I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT THESE EVENTS WOULD HAVE SENT UP SOME SORT OF RED FLAG. PERSONALLY, I HOPE OUR PRESIDENT CAN GET HIS ACT TOGETHER. IF HE CAN DO 50% BETTER THIS TERM, THAN HE DID LAST TERM, HE MAY JUST BE ABLE ABLE TO EARN THE RESPECT AND ACCOUNTABILITY THAT PRESIDENTS SHOULD HAVE. BUT BECAUSE OF THE COURSE OF ACTIONS THAT HE HAS CHOSEN TO TAKE, IT SOUNDS EASIER TO UNITE A DIVIDED NATION THAN IT REALLY IS. IF THE RACE HADN'T BEEN SO CLOSE, THEN THE TASK WOULD NOT SEEM SO DAUNTING.
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| trust |
[31 Oct 2004|09:39pm] |
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mood |
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 discontent |
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music |
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DAMIEN RICE - "VOLCANO" |
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TRUST . . . DOES IT REALLY EXIST? OR AM I JUST KIDDING MYSELF? I THOUGHT PEOPLE WERE TRUSTWORTHY, BUT NOW I'M JUST NOT SURE. SOMETIMES I THINK THEY CARE AND THEN I REALIZE THAT THEY DON'T. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I THINK THAT I THINK ABOUT THINGS WAY TOO MUCH AND END UP MAKING THEM FAR MORE COMPLICATED THAN THEY REALLY SEEM. OR MAYBE SOME PEOPLE JUST THINK THAT EVERYTHING IS SO SIMPLE WHEN THEY DON'T KNOW ALL THE FACTS, SO THEY SHOULDN'T REALLY BE MAKING A JUDGEMENT. AND THEN THERE'S THE WHOLE DEALIO ABOUT TRUSTING PEOPLE, BUT THEM NOT TRUSTING YOU OR BEING WAY TOO INSECURE ABOUT THEMSELVES. I JUST THINK THAT IF SOMEONE ALLOWS THEM TO KNOW WHO YOU REALLY ARE, THEN THAT OTHER PERSON SHOULD BE WILLING TO GIVE UP A LITTLE BIT ABOUT THEMSELVES OR MAKE THEMSELVES A LITTLE MORE VULNERABLE OR EASY TO READ. I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO ME LATELY. I THINK I NEED TO GO FOR A REALLY LONG WALK OR GO TO THE BEACH AND RELAX. I WISH I COULD CHANGE PEOPLE, BUT I CAN'T. ADN IT'S THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD!!! MAYBE NOT THE WORST. THE WORST WOULD BE HAVING SOMEONE CHANGE YOU INTO THE PERSON THAT YOU KNOW YOU DON'T WANT TO BE. I DON'T KNOW. I THINK THAT I'LL STOP NOW. THIS JOURNAL IS JUST TURNING ME INTO A NUTCASE. IT GIVES ME WAY TOO MUCH FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION.
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| life |
[30 Oct 2004|07:25pm] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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music |
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nelly- over and over |
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okay. i need to vent. homecoming . . .blah.wilcat day . . . blah!
now it's time for me to be overanalytical. . .
i found this awesome song that really gets to the root of some of my feelings. it's called "over and over" by nelly. it talks about the anger that this person has with this never-ending cycle of arguing. both people can never be satisfied or happy at the same time. now it's just too hard to deal with.
i feel a lot like that at times. only my thing is a little different. i don't really know how to explain it. i'm like, "screw that bastard! i dont need this shit right now." then i realize that i really can't hate the person for some strange reason. i don't really know what it is. i just don't think that i'm completely ready to give up on that person, because i feel like i've invested too much in the friendship. i mean, i trust the person and that's really hard for me to do. even though the person treat's me like shit most of the time, i sometimes feels like a lot of it's for show. i don't know what to think anymore. it's just so confusing!!!
i think that's all for now.
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[20 Oct 2004|06:06pm] |
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bye.
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| homecoming update |
[20 Oct 2004|05:11pm] |
okay . . . so last monday i was pretty bummed out because homecoming was looking pretty crappy. then on saturday my cousin carleen was having a babyshower, and alyssa and brittany (my cousins) were there. Brittany was saying that she was going to the homecoming at SBHS with a guy that we all used to go to school with. Then Alyssa and I started getting bitter because we didn't have dates to our homecoming and it was a week away.At this point there were a lot of hook-ups. The Wednesday before I had said that I was considering asking Al,who used to go to our school, but I wasn't sure. Alyssa brought it up on Saturday, and she promised to ask Louie (who I think she should soooooooooo be dating)if I asked Al. On Sunday I saw him at church and then at the broomball night. I talked to him for about a minute and chickened out. My mom and I were fighting about something, but I forget what it was. On the way home I felt bad because I had chickened out. So I finished my homework when i got home, but fell asleep while I was doing my Spanish. I had a dream that I was on the bus the next day and told Alyssa that I had chickened out. Then Alyssa told everyone on the bus about our deal, and people got mad at me because they all missed Al. IT WAS ALL A DREAM.
then i looked at the clock and realized that it was 9:30-ish. To me I guess this dream was a wake-up call. So I called him and asked him, and he said yeah. end of story. then i realized that i didn't have a dress. so monday i spent the afternoon shopping. it took me 30 minutes to find the dress, but my mom insisted that i get this "granny looking" dress. at 7:30 I got my way and I went home. Today I took the dress to my tailor and we went over how we were going to fix it. I'm shortening it and I think that's it. I made my hair appointment too. I am going to have my flower in my hair and I am getting my make-up done. fun shizzle. getting ready is my favorite part. i still have to take pics at the dance for yearbook though. but oh well. at least i'm going.
and today mrs. roscoe came to visit us at Villanova.
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| GARDEN STATE |
[16 Oct 2004|09:00pm] |
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mood |
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crappy |
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music |
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ashlee simpson- "pieces of me" |
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I loved "garden state"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was amazing. It totally changed me. I used to care about people what how much they cared about me. In the movie Andrew finds love in Sam. Now that I've seen that, I know it won't happen for me. I know that sounds a bit weird, but it's true. I thought this movie would actually end with him being awekened, but not completely happy. I thought he would go on the search for himself alone. Don't get me wrong. the movie was great and i loved the story. hell . . .i wish it would happen for me, but i don't believe in love. you know what? nevermind. it makes more sense in my head. adios!
hear . . . ashlee simpson's "pieces of me". bad voice, but that's what i want. i thought i had something close, but i was o so wrong.
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| TOTAL HOTNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
[14 Oct 2004|05:04pm] |
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music |
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yellowcard- "only one" |
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OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LONGINEU PARSONS III
ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In case you are wondering, he is the drummer from Yellowcard. I swear I WILL marry him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have i mentioned how H0T and SEXY and GORGEOUS and BEAUTIFUL and AMAZINGLY GOOD LOOKING he is?
I know that sounds really shallow, but I have the right to be. I have a really bad habit of falling for guys that aren't that great. I fall for personality . . .not hotness. SAPPHY UNDERSTANDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyhoo . . . that's all!!!
update on homecoming:
some of the most random people are hooking up. i swear.
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| homecoming |
[13 Oct 2004|02:59pm] |
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mood |
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confused |
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music |
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the killers- "somebody told me" |
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yay (except not really) . . .homecoming's coming up. to me it's just another time of the year during which i realize that i'm alone and when people tell me what to do. personally . . .i don't see why people obsess with finding someone. everyone wants to hook up during this time of year. i say wait for the hook ups until college. that's when you can find someone close to your intellectual capacity. go with a friend i say! and hell if there are no guys at your school (or any worth befriending) go with a large group. that's the way to do it. crap!!!!!!!!!!! now i have to find a dress. i went today. everything was wayyyyyyyyyy tooooo formal. everything elsewas very low cut too. BOOBAGE REQUIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!! but if you have big boobs (which i sadly do, then you just end up looking like a slut (which i did). so i need:
1. nothing formal
2. nothing shiny
3. nothing flashy
4. nothing too low-cut
5. nothing slutty
6. nothing with afloral pattern (unless it's flowy)
7. preferably black (so that i can just wear my shoes from last year and so i can wear it again)
8. something simple
9. knee-length
10. find a hairdo
11. I WANT FLOWERS IN MY HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
okay . . . see now i' going into prom mode. i think i better stop before i hurt myself or stress myself out. adios gente!
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| blah |
[09 Oct 2004|08:53am] |
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mood |
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 bitchy |
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okay . . . so right now i'm a little mad. there's no more prom committee. but at least they dissolved it before next week, because i had a lot to discuss at the next meeting. at least all we've done so far pick the theme and what we want the senior gift to be. seriously . . . if they ask me to keep helping i'll refuse. i'm not going to help them with the pictures for the senior gift, i'm not going to help them brainstorm, i'm not going to give them any suggestions. nada!!!!!!!! that's not fair to me. i have pretty much been the class president, but with out the title or the credit. so now ishi's on his own. i feel bad about sarah having to do everything, but that's really her decision. she wanted to get rid of the prom committee too, so it's on her now. i mean you can't really blame me . . . because i did put a lot into planning and oganizing.
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[02 Oct 2004|02:34pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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music |
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THE USED- "blue & yellow" |
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"Volcano" by Damien Rice
don't hold yourself like that
you'll hurt your knees
i kissed your mouth and back
that's all i need
don't build your world around volcanos melt you down
what i am to you is not real
what i am to you, you do not need
what i am to you is not what you mean to me
you give me miles and miles of mountains
and i'll ask for the sea
don't throw yourself like that
in front of me
i kissed your mouth, your back
is that all you need?
don't drag my love around volcanos melt me down
what i am to you is not real
what i am to you, you do not need
what I am to you is not what you mean to me
you give me miles and miles of mountains
and i'll give you the sea
what i give to you is just what i'm going through
this is nothing new
nono just another phase of finding
what i really need is what makes me bleed
and like a new disease she's still too young to treat
volcanos melt me down . . .
she's still too young . . .
i kissed your mouth . . .
you do not need me . . .
"Blue and Yellow" by The Used
and it's all in how you mix the two
and it starts just where the light exists
it's a feeling that you cannot miss
and it burns a hole through everyone that feels it
well you're never gonna find it
if you're looking for it
won't come your way
well you'll never find it
if you're looking for it
chorus 1:
should've done something but I've done it enough
by the way your hands were shaking
rather waste some time with you
and you never would have thought in the end
how amazing it feels just to live again
it's a feeling that you cannot miss
it burns a hole through eveyone that feels it
well you're never gonna find it
if you're looking for it
won't come your way
well you'll never find it
if you're looking for it
chorus 2:
should've done something but I've done it enough
byt he way your hands were shaking
rather waste some time with you
should've said something but I've said it enough
by the way my words were fading
rather waste some time with you
*music break*
*repeat chorus 2*
*repeat chorus 1*
i just thought I'd share this with you. take it for what it's worth.
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| ???????????????????????????? |
[26 Sep 2004|03:22pm] |
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music |
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THE USED- "blue & yellow" |
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I am so confused. I feel like everything around me is collapsing. It's like I'm stuck on a tiny piece of land, surrounded by a black pit of endless nothingness. and if I take one step in any direction, then I'll end up falling into who knows what?! I don't understand why my head works the way it does, or my heart for that matter. i think I just need some time to really think about things. I keep trying to tell myself that someday all of my drama will be gone. I think that's one of the reasons why Notre Dame is so appealing to me. It's away from my family and it's in the middle of nowhere. Since it's in the middle of nowhere, there's nothing much to do that force you to have much of a social life. So if I don't have an interesting social life, I won't have interesting people around me. And if I'm not interested, there's less of a chance for me to get attached to friends. That's a big problem I have. I have these friends that I absolutely love (which is awful) and then life happens or my head messes with me, and I end up hurt. okay . . . I think that I'm done now.
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| JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
[22 Sep 2004|04:42pm] |
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mood |
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 stressed |
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music |
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michael jackson- "thriller" (DONT ASK!) |
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JUST KIDDING SAPPHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Chris and I aren't together. I was just messing with your head. Don't worry. It will NEVER happen. We can barely stay friends. How can we go out if we have a hard time keeping things straight as friends? Anyhoo . . . I have just a general question for those of you sick people who actually think that we are. WHY WOULD YOU EVER THINK OR BELIEVE SUCH A THING? don't you always see us arguing?
*CHANGE IN SUBJECT*
Last night i went to this really fun thing at St. Bonnie's. It was very interesting. It was an informational meeting about THE UNIVERSITY OF NOTRE DAME. You people have no idea how badly I want to go there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is the best place in the planet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love it even though it's in the middle of nowhere and there really isn't any place to party. Then again it's just a couple hours away from Chicago. But because there is no place to party . . . well for me that's a plus. I know that's stupid, but I really want to focus when I'm in college.
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| o . . . tay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
[21 Sep 2004|04:20pm] |
so as of today everything is "okay" with chris. i mean, i can forgive but i can't forget. i think it will always be in the back of my head, but things are still a lot better than they were. anyway . . . something really weird happened. i have this dry erase board up in my locker, and i keep track of all my meetings. so of course i have my prom committee meeting reminders up there. today somebody wrote "u must be really excited about prom. hi!" I assume that it's a freshman because they're stupid and immature.
there really isn't anymore interesting drama going on in my life. i got a new spanish teacher today. she's one of those people who thinks that just because i'm Mexican means that i already know spanish. newsflash . . . my name is ASHLEY NICOLE. What Mexican parent would name their child that unless the were whitewashed?!
PEER LEADING: this should be fun. i'm actually not being sarcastic. i can't wait to plan the retreat. sapphy and i want to modernize it. you know . . . try to relate it to kids. i think that would have made the process a lot more bearable for me. adios chicas y chicos.
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